I can't shake the ugliness in the world - but I can illuminate it.

Feb 28, 2022

Dear Cherished Readers,

I had a coaching session this morning where we were talking about what is happening in Ukraine.

And I got very triggered.  

Early on a Monday morning, after going to the gym for the first time since October 2021, coming home and giving downstairs a blitz clear up with my trainers on, feeling on top of the world,  I got triggered and was crying for almost the full hour of group coaching, as I held myself accountable for never talking about what goes on in the world, even though I am always helping women create more love and respect in their lives.

Yet - I realised that when I avoid controversially-charged topics, I am not being fully present in love... or respect.

I never talk about what's going on in the Islamic world...  Or about racism...  and a load of other painful topics.

The thing is, I am a highly sensitive person.  I notice the nuances, I notice the injustices, I notice biases...  and it feels ugly to point them out.

But today, after sharing some crying-messages privately on zoom with a dear, sweet soul, I realised that it wasn't me feeling I was having ugly thoughts about 'why aren't there any Blacks/Arabs/Asians in the photo of this event?' or 'why is this newspaper so anti-muslim?' or, or or.... there are so many ors, arent there?

I realised that perhaps it wasn't that I was having ugly, judgemental thoughts... perhaps they were loving thoughts questioning why the world can be so ugly.  Be that due to lack of knowledge, lack of understanding, lack of fair/effective resourcing, or even if it is deliberate ostracising and discrimination.

As a Muslim, I am aware that there is always a Muslim country that is bombed, people displaced, and honestly, I feel so numb.  I would be lying if I said I was heartbroken.  I have been protecting my heart too long from hurting.  I have been trying so hard to not think ugly thoughts.

Our beautiful, spiritual coach left me with a beautiful message today: to absolutely own that every single human being matters. 

And today, my heart cries for all those being oppressed for their beliefs, for how they were created by the Creator, or due to oppressive leadership. And how it hurts so much to talk about it.

After embracing the ugliness of the situation we find ourselves in as a planet, I was reminded of the lines of a song 'when you can't shake the empty'. And as I played the song, and shared it with my coaching group, one dear soul pointed out that Sestra, the 'sisters' who wrote the song, are Ukrainian.  When we can't shake the empty, ugly feelings that come up, it is where Love whispers: 'Things are not okay are they?  This is ugly.'.  And that makes me really sad.

'Then forever you will never need to explain
the emptiness behind your eyes
well if it doesn't go away then honey neither will I'
❤️
'When you can't shake the empty
You can't reason how you feel
When you've hollowed out your thoughts,
Nothing's found and nothing's lost
That's where I'll be
Take my heart and fill the empty'

The ugliness in the world makes me so sad, that I go numb and don't want to talk about it.  But not talking about is also not loving - or respectful.  Today I hold myself accountable to acknowledge the good and the bad.

And in doing that, I invite myself, and all of us, to show up as better people today, the world has enough darkness, let's illuminate it with Light. 

Even if we are sad. 

Perhaps even more if we are sad.

 

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